The end of December 2010 I began to feel antsy. Bored and searching for something along the lines of a distraction or a little snack for my mind. That's when I found Babbles list of Top 50 Mom Blogs.
I have been missing hanging with other mothers. Most of the people I work with are not moms so there isn't anyone to share my most important experiences with. There is always my lovely husband, but we always share. I want unadulterated Mom talk. The kind that is honest, questioning, observant, and true of themselves. This Blog list is an avenue to it. I have only read portions of about 15 blogs, and I feel as if a door has opened up that I closed long ago. That maybe this struggle of love, growth, and sleeplessness is not just for our children's sake, but for the sake of our American society as a whole. Children growing up in families that encourage awareness of themselves and those around them. Not to keep them in constant doubt, but to keep them on the track of gratefulness and wonder. Seeing what really matters, the small stuff.
So here I am, back at my blog. Remebering to give voice to that Mother in me that I have been working on for the past 16 years and counting.
Thank you Babble.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Our newest family member
It has a 5 year warranty and a list of features that make cleaning up after 7 people and a rough collie, a lot easier. We have bought 4 vacuums in the past 9 year and all were very clumsy and didn't always perform up to par. The bag was constantly full, belts always needed replacing, and after every use, we had to dismantle it to clean off the rotating brush. Never mind the incident where the vacuum actually sucked a large clump of hair off of the head of my daughter! I have been eying a Dyson for some time now. Ever since I stayed home with 3 and then 4 children and had to vacuum every day so that little crawling babies wouldn't try and eat all the little things left on the floor from the days events. Not to mention, the dog hair! Yuck!
Bluebell (my affectionate pet name- I feel like if I give her I nice name and treat her right, she will be kind to us and last a long time:)) has a canister to empty and filters that need cleaning on a monthly basis. However, this baby is very lightweight, so much so that the 5 year old can pick it up and can help with the vacuuming. It is also extremely easy to maneuver around anything and gets into the corners and nook and crannies that no other vacuum could. There is a wonderful extension wand for getting the stairs and all those other hard to reach places that is lightweight and very effective. It sucks up all the stuff our other vacuum never seemed to get. It is also small that it hides easily in our closet, which in our tiny house with only 2 closets, is a big selling point. There are 2 down sides other than the price tag- 1- emptying the container after every room and 2- the cord isn't as flexible as others I have used.
So Welcome Bluebell! May you be with us for many many years to come!
Friday, January 15, 2010
The places I find myself
I don't know how it happens, but whenever I get a job, I usually find myself in a cubicle making lots of calls to people I don't know and leaving voice mails for potential sales opportunities. I don't particularly find it easy or fun, but for over 9 years on and off, this is what I end up doing as work. Mind you, it does pay the bills and, again, it is one of the only ways to make enough money for a family when you don't have any special talents or a degree of some sort. Still, it is amazing the limits that I put upon myself time and time again. Yes, I sit in traffic an average of 80 minutes a day. Yes, I sit on my butt all day and have gained a ton of weight and have now what you call the secretary butt. Yes, I wait for someone to tell me what tasks need to be done and then, like a good cube worker, efficiently finish the task. I find that most days I am asking myself, just like Michael Byrne from Talking Heads, "Well, how did I get here?".
I am a somewhat educated woman with a good head on her shoulders and a very good (an ever improving) work ethic. What ever happened to my imagination? It is still the best way to play with my kids. Weather we are Care Bears in Care a Lot or Pirates in a flying ship, we always play pretend at home. What does it say of me, as a mother even, to encourage my kids and say you can do just about anything you want to do, yet here I am slogging away, gaining weight and searching for meaning in my work.
I could blame my plain as mayonnaise on white bread upbringing. I could blame years of public schooling that sucked the creativity and life out of me. I could blame a society that encourages "cube working" from the rich on down. "You can't be a dancer, that doesn't make any money.Never mind the competition. You need money." So here I sit in my gray cube.
Still, even if I wanted to do something else, I wouldn't know where to begin. I can't even tell you what exactly I would want to do, never mind what I do well. People seem to have these passions about things. Baking, fixing things, helping people, writing.
When I think about it, the only thing I am at all passionate about it to do God's work and to do it whole heartedly. Whatever the Universe decides that it is. Perhaps that is what I am doing. But it sure gets boring!
I am a somewhat educated woman with a good head on her shoulders and a very good (an ever improving) work ethic. What ever happened to my imagination? It is still the best way to play with my kids. Weather we are Care Bears in Care a Lot or Pirates in a flying ship, we always play pretend at home. What does it say of me, as a mother even, to encourage my kids and say you can do just about anything you want to do, yet here I am slogging away, gaining weight and searching for meaning in my work.
I could blame my plain as mayonnaise on white bread upbringing. I could blame years of public schooling that sucked the creativity and life out of me. I could blame a society that encourages "cube working" from the rich on down. "You can't be a dancer, that doesn't make any money.Never mind the competition. You need money." So here I sit in my gray cube.
Still, even if I wanted to do something else, I wouldn't know where to begin. I can't even tell you what exactly I would want to do, never mind what I do well. People seem to have these passions about things. Baking, fixing things, helping people, writing.
When I think about it, the only thing I am at all passionate about it to do God's work and to do it whole heartedly. Whatever the Universe decides that it is. Perhaps that is what I am doing. But it sure gets boring!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Vital
There are some things that this over emotional mother has learned I can't function well without.
#1- Coffee The best legal over the counter drug that comes to me hot, sweet and creamy. In New England, there is no other way to wake up early in the morning and work when the weather is 0 degrees and the landscape is barren and gray. (Missing our North Carolina days now). It also helps me navigate the rocky mountains of my ever gushing emotions by never letting them get to the surface. Thoughts are racing and there is no time to get carried away with feelings when there is work to be done.
#2- Chocolate- Nothing is as grounding and soothing as chocolate. Good chocolate- well medium good chocolate. We can't quite afford that great stuff, even the good stuff is expensive. But when you think of the savings from skipping breakfast and lunch, it isn't a problem! The chocolate I am currently enjoying, thanks to friends and family, are Lindt Truffles. Not those fruit filled ones, those are for my daughter. The chocolate filled ones are my vice at the moment. How do they make that creamy yet unspreadable stuff in the centers? There is a variety pack that contains, white chocolate, milk chocolate, dark chocolate, very dark chocolate and chocolate with peanut butter. One for every mood! Heaven in a bag.
#3- The last thing on my list isn't a tangible object, but an experience I let myself have. A good cry. This doesn't have to be on a daily basis. However, I do notice that when life is full of, well, life, I get a back up of sorrow, sadness, grief, anger and helplessness (this girl knows her emotions). Once I let the gates open and the tears go, the waves flow through me and I can express all those painful emotions that I have been pushing around for a while. It is a selfish expression of my ego. Why me, why this, why that.....? It lets me give voice to the fears and anger of living a life without complete attachment to the things around me. After all, you can't take it with you and this form is only temporary.
#1- Coffee The best legal over the counter drug that comes to me hot, sweet and creamy. In New England, there is no other way to wake up early in the morning and work when the weather is 0 degrees and the landscape is barren and gray. (Missing our North Carolina days now). It also helps me navigate the rocky mountains of my ever gushing emotions by never letting them get to the surface. Thoughts are racing and there is no time to get carried away with feelings when there is work to be done.
#2- Chocolate- Nothing is as grounding and soothing as chocolate. Good chocolate- well medium good chocolate. We can't quite afford that great stuff, even the good stuff is expensive. But when you think of the savings from skipping breakfast and lunch, it isn't a problem! The chocolate I am currently enjoying, thanks to friends and family, are Lindt Truffles. Not those fruit filled ones, those are for my daughter. The chocolate filled ones are my vice at the moment. How do they make that creamy yet unspreadable stuff in the centers? There is a variety pack that contains, white chocolate, milk chocolate, dark chocolate, very dark chocolate and chocolate with peanut butter. One for every mood! Heaven in a bag.
#3- The last thing on my list isn't a tangible object, but an experience I let myself have. A good cry. This doesn't have to be on a daily basis. However, I do notice that when life is full of, well, life, I get a back up of sorrow, sadness, grief, anger and helplessness (this girl knows her emotions). Once I let the gates open and the tears go, the waves flow through me and I can express all those painful emotions that I have been pushing around for a while. It is a selfish expression of my ego. Why me, why this, why that.....? It lets me give voice to the fears and anger of living a life without complete attachment to the things around me. After all, you can't take it with you and this form is only temporary.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
5 months
Our newest baby is already 5 months old. She has a nice chubby physique, smiles with a dimple, rolls over from back to belly, can reach and grab onto things, and interacts with you. You have to be careful when you hold her because she wants whatever you have in your hands, which makes it very difficult to drink a glass of water while holding her.
It has been wonderful watching my husband fall in love with our baby. He loves all of our children, but when you stay home with an infant, you fall in love in a different way. Being home means you get to be present for all the little details of their growth and change. You start to understand what they want from the look in their eye or they noise they make. Getting to know someone that well, changes your perception on all your relationships. It somehow lets you give them more room to grow and more time to do it, because you really understand where they are and where they have come from. Well, it has for me and it seems to be the same for my husband as well.
Whatever the case, I am so grateful to see their love, their closeness and level of communication when no words are involved. It's the small things that make life worth living.
It has been wonderful watching my husband fall in love with our baby. He loves all of our children, but when you stay home with an infant, you fall in love in a different way. Being home means you get to be present for all the little details of their growth and change. You start to understand what they want from the look in their eye or they noise they make. Getting to know someone that well, changes your perception on all your relationships. It somehow lets you give them more room to grow and more time to do it, because you really understand where they are and where they have come from. Well, it has for me and it seems to be the same for my husband as well.
Whatever the case, I am so grateful to see their love, their closeness and level of communication when no words are involved. It's the small things that make life worth living.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Some days it snows
You would think that by now, after living 33 years in Connecticut, I just might already know that some days it snows. I do know that it snows, but ever since we came back from North Carolina, I keep thinking that somehow it won't. Sure it snowed in North Carolina. Only once though. And it disappeared by morning. Which was nice :)
Now, everytime I read the news or listen to the radio, it seems like they are predicting snow. I don't remember it snowing like this before we went to North Carolina.
Ugh.
I am cold.
I am cold when it isn't snowing! I pull out the wool socks around the end of October and don't stop wearing my thermals until May, at least. It also affects my mood and I become increasingly cranky. You would figure that this would be motivation enough to move to a warmer climate. But.....
my job is here,
my Dad is here,
the kids have friends here,
heck we even have friends here!
so that means we are staying here.
We have recently have started looking for a new place to live. Our little cottage in suburbia is not going to be available to us this spring, so we have begun the search for a new home.
At first we laughed with glee, grabbed the laptop and searched all over America for a home. Sure there are beautiful bungalows in New Orleans for 20,000 where you can live on the top floor only, because there is still so much damage from Hurricane Katrina, the bottom floors are uninhabitable. How about the winding hills of West Virgina with a 4 bedroom 3 bath home on 17 acres costs $90,000 with a town population of 200? Where do these people go to work?
Then we realized that we probably aren't going to pack up all or belongings and travel half way across the country to move to a state that we have never been to without a job with 5 KIDS! That would just be too much for our poor frail emotional selves to handle at this point. Just surviving here, right now in Connecticut is hard enough.
So, here we are, looking for a home in Bristol of all places. The trappings of love.
On this last day of 2009, despite the snow and frigid temperatures, I want to officially thank the universe for all the blessings in my life. Health, Family, Love, Home, Food, Transportation that works, Friends and a good job.
And to all a happy new year!!
Now, everytime I read the news or listen to the radio, it seems like they are predicting snow. I don't remember it snowing like this before we went to North Carolina.
Ugh.
I am cold.
I am cold when it isn't snowing! I pull out the wool socks around the end of October and don't stop wearing my thermals until May, at least. It also affects my mood and I become increasingly cranky. You would figure that this would be motivation enough to move to a warmer climate. But.....
my job is here,
my Dad is here,
the kids have friends here,
heck we even have friends here!
so that means we are staying here.
We have recently have started looking for a new place to live. Our little cottage in suburbia is not going to be available to us this spring, so we have begun the search for a new home.
At first we laughed with glee, grabbed the laptop and searched all over America for a home. Sure there are beautiful bungalows in New Orleans for 20,000 where you can live on the top floor only, because there is still so much damage from Hurricane Katrina, the bottom floors are uninhabitable. How about the winding hills of West Virgina with a 4 bedroom 3 bath home on 17 acres costs $90,000 with a town population of 200? Where do these people go to work?
Then we realized that we probably aren't going to pack up all or belongings and travel half way across the country to move to a state that we have never been to without a job with 5 KIDS! That would just be too much for our poor frail emotional selves to handle at this point. Just surviving here, right now in Connecticut is hard enough.
So, here we are, looking for a home in Bristol of all places. The trappings of love.
On this last day of 2009, despite the snow and frigid temperatures, I want to officially thank the universe for all the blessings in my life. Health, Family, Love, Home, Food, Transportation that works, Friends and a good job.
And to all a happy new year!!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Jesse- The man of wonder
There is so much that I am blessed with and today I am focusing my thankfulness on my best friend, my husband, and the father of my children, Jesse.
I will never forget hanging up the phone after our very first conversation and something struck me. A knowing that I would marry the man I just had a 2 hour phone conversation with, sight unseen. It was an eerie feeling to get a piece of my future told to me. I was excited and scared, but I knew that it was true.
Here we are, after 15 years of marriage, now welcoming our 5th child into our lives and I am so very happy. It wasn't always this blissful. It took a LOT if work on both our parts to get to a place of selflessness, respect, and understanding to get our partnership to this point. I am so glad that we are together to share our journey in life.
He is intelligent, strong in principal, well spoken, funny, fun, silly, gorgeous, patient, loving, respectful, full of ideas, cataclysmic, constantly evolving, and struggling to remain open to what the universe has to offer. He is the one person I can share all the mess I have swarming in my head all the time and he helps me figure it out. He also lets me into his head and offers me advice. The look on his face when holding one of our babies is one of the most beautiful things that I have ever seen.
Thank you oh great universe for providing me with such a wonderful partner in this lifetime.
I will never forget hanging up the phone after our very first conversation and something struck me. A knowing that I would marry the man I just had a 2 hour phone conversation with, sight unseen. It was an eerie feeling to get a piece of my future told to me. I was excited and scared, but I knew that it was true.
Here we are, after 15 years of marriage, now welcoming our 5th child into our lives and I am so very happy. It wasn't always this blissful. It took a LOT if work on both our parts to get to a place of selflessness, respect, and understanding to get our partnership to this point. I am so glad that we are together to share our journey in life.
He is intelligent, strong in principal, well spoken, funny, fun, silly, gorgeous, patient, loving, respectful, full of ideas, cataclysmic, constantly evolving, and struggling to remain open to what the universe has to offer. He is the one person I can share all the mess I have swarming in my head all the time and he helps me figure it out. He also lets me into his head and offers me advice. The look on his face when holding one of our babies is one of the most beautiful things that I have ever seen.
Thank you oh great universe for providing me with such a wonderful partner in this lifetime.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)