It feels like it has been years since I had a decent nights sleep. I don't care what all those attachment parenting advocates say, I haven't slept soundly since I was pregnant with Fiona, over 4 years ago. She has moved on to a toddler bed (in our room) and Shillelagh is still an active night nurser. It is so much work, but most days, I wouldn't want it any other way. It's that snuggle time that makes me feel like I am still connected to them, some how.
Lately, it has been even harder with my mother being sick. She has gotten into the "final phase" of the disease. She is a small sack of skin and bones, unable to move on her own or even speak. My dad has called us twice in the past week because he thought she wasn't going to make it. I have been visiting on a daily basis now which severely cuts into the time with the kids and Jesse. They have been very supportive, but it is still so much work for everyone. It is toughest for the littlest ones.
When I get home at night, I am just plain exhausted. It is all compounded by the constant nausea I am fighting with this new pregnancy and the absolute frigid temperatures, which makes me so uncomfortable. I keep trying to think back on all of what I have already gone through and remember how far I have come. But when I am falling asleep sitting up on the couch while the little ones are running and playing, the older kids are doing chores, and Jesse is catching up on some emails, I feel like I just don't know how much longer I can keep all of this going.
God give me strength.
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