Surrender

About 3 years ago right before the fall equinox of 2005 and so many many many strange changes had taken place in the previous 12 months, a word kept popping into my mind.

Surrender

Here is what Merriam-Webster has to say.

1 a: to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand b: to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another2 a: to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner b: to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)intransitive verb: to give oneself up into the power of another : yield

I used to view this word with the meaning in the sense of failure. Ya know, surrender with your hands up and all that sort of thing. Someone taking control of you, with force and making you surrender. Not the willful acceptance of the universal spirit in your life and how you really have very little control over it and the best thing to do is acknowledge the lack of that control and well........surrender to life.

Jesse has been layed off and we are enjoying spending long days all together as a tight knit family. While there certainly are many emotions flying around with all of this uncertainty in front of us and choices we need to make, we have been able to get reconnected with him and he with us without the immediate stress of a full time manual labor job in the way of our conversations. Luckily this also means that I am getting some time to myself to do things like write in my blog and read some books. He even picked one up for me at Goodwill. "Surrendering to Motherhood" by Iris Krasnow. It is exactly what I needed.

She was a successful journalist of the baby boom era that lived the high life of singledom into her thirties only to feel as if she is missing something essential. She then get's married and has 4 babies before the age of 40. Not just any sort of babies but four boy babies including a set of twins. Talk about a forced surrender! Her thoughts and anecdotes and all of the quotes about mothering from the famous women she interviewed make for a wonderful read. Putting the essential ideas of Buddhism to the test and being the mother, yin. It's the first time I have read a book about mothering where I wasn't put off. Her thoughts and emotions are very real and understandable. Not only during the early years filled with freedom and excitement but later on when she finds fulfillment in picking up all of the eggs her toddlers just threw onto the floor.

Being in the moment. The here and the now.

The only task truly at hand on a daily basis. To enjoy the fullness, the richness of who you are and where you are. To fully live the life that can only be yours. To see your purpose right in front of you. Surrendering to life.